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Myrica's Journal
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Date:2003-12-24 22:50
Subject:swinging at the ceiling

I have a new journal. It's for everyone to see, so it's censored... username msmollyb.

I want to write really bad poetry right now, and let the tears drop onto the ink, smearing it illegably...warping the paper as it dries...like the bumps in my life. I keep sleeping with random people as a way to cure myself of loneliness and self-contempt, even though it always makes me feel worse a few hours later. I keep putting myself in bad situations...creating anxiety, which fades to numb. I'm going to go to bed now, and wait for the black to replace my blue....

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Date:2003-12-09 02:16

yes i hate her and she hates herself; and she has no friends because everyone is completely scared shitless of her.

I dunno where this comes from...in a friend's profile.

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Date:2003-09-05 00:02
Subject:I don't wanna spend another long and lonely weekend by the phone

I got a job today, so I'm pretty excited about that. Doing childcare at a local Baptist church about six hours a week. It's kinda funny that I would be working for a Baptist church...but rock on for eight bucks an hour.
I also went to the Dalton Gallery in the ASC art building for the opening of Edges, Exposures & Mayhem which showcased the art of Lucinda Bunnen. She is an absolutely amazing photographer, and I would definatly suggest checking her out. She really inspired me, because she does a lot of grave photography, which is something I've always been interested in.
My first Witkaze meeting tonight. I'm really excited to be in it, as they are probably one of the best clubs on campus (and very well organized, which tends to be a rareity). I signed up to be on the Step Team (I'll stay in the back..haha) and in the Book Club as I need to be educated on the issues that Black people (especially Black women) face.
Naturally, since it is Thursday, I participated in weekly trivia at Ruby Tuesday's. We did really well for the first half, tied for second even...but as we tend to do, we trailed off in the second half and ended up doing not-so-hot...though we still beat quite a few teams...go us. Maybe someday we'll make it.

Books to read:
The Miseducation of the Negro By: Carter G. Woodson
Scoring in Heaven: Gravestones and Cemetery Art of the American Sunbelt States By: Lucinda Bunnen and Virginia Warren Smith

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Date:2003-07-24 13:15
Subject:Minolta Di520

This lady keep calling and trying to sell me toner. They ask you for the model number on your copier and then try to sell you shit, and when you get the first call, you don't realize it because you think it's the people who actually service the printers for you, so you give them the model number...but I know better. The last time I was so angry because this guy told me that we usually bought toner from him and that his computer broke and such...I ended up giving him the number (not because I believed him, but because I couldn't get rid of him...I even hung up on him and he called back!!) But now this lady keeps calling, and she sounds foreign and sweet...like she just wants to make a sale...but I shant give in. First I told her the printer was downstairs and I couldn't leave my desk because I had to answer the phones. So she's like "well go down and check or ask someone to do it"...and when she called back I said I was out to lunch (haha) and then she called again and I said I couldn't give out that information because of problems with salespeople in the past and she's like "can you just verify some information?" and I replied "I'll try" and then she said "Okay I'll call you right back"...and I was like wha?...but she was gone. So if she calls back I'm going to start yelling. Not really because I hate getting yelled at (already got it twice today and once yesterday), but just politely tell her that I am not interested in whatever she's selling and that I have a lot of work to do and to please leave me alone. MEH!

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Date:2003-07-24 10:40

Made me happier than a bag of apples

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Date:2003-07-12 00:52
Subject:new book

I bought "Vogue Knitting on the Go 'Hats and Caps" the other day. It totally rocks and I can't wait to get the whole set. I also bought some Noro wool. It rocks. I made an awesome scarf out of it. I was going to seed stitch, but couldn't figure out how to do it on straights (I can do it on circs but it wasn't working out for me...I'll have to figure that one out later)..so I did 10st across, knitted about 6ft, and then dropped the 4th and 7th stitches all the way down. I love how it turned out...now if only it were winter. I also bought a Paton's pamphlet on how to make 4 baby/kid blankets. They are awesome and bright, but will take me a while, so I'm going to maybe go buy some cheap acrylic for a practice run.

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Date:2003-06-25 11:56

Why are these uncannily true?

Happy Deathday!
Your name:lucyru113
You will die on:Wednesday, April 17, 2024
You will die of:Car Accident
Created by Quill

I'm the worst driver ever...been in numerous car accidents, just hit my uncle's BMW the other night with my brand new car...yes this is definatly going to happen...heh heh...I never wanted to live to be that old anyways, 40 is good enough

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Date:2003-06-25 11:43


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Date:2003-06-18 20:22

Why do I love this so?

Magic Number15
JobSerial Killer
PersonalityFocussed And Driven
TemperamentAngry - At Everthing
Likely To WinTime Off For Good Behaviour
Me - In A WordEvil
Brought to you by MemeJack

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Date:2003-06-15 15:06
Subject:I'm so bored I"m actually updating

Here at the BW, I become so bored that I begin to entertain thoughts of updating this silly thing, which I really only keep for communities and for penpals. Maybe if I get a webcam I'll post some pictures of some of my crafty and arty stuff just to get some ego boost, or...you know....to be humbled because it totally sucks, but I digress. So I'm updating. LJ and I have a very love/hate relationship, yet I continue to pay for it because I feel the need to support something that was such a huge support in my life when nothing else was. I don't know.

But on to more important matters, like how much my legs hurt. I know what you are thinking...thinking I should quit my fucking complaining, but I hate standing for 8 hours straight and doing NOTHING the entire time. They could tell me to cut up scrap paper all day for all I care, it'd be something...I really need a job where I am constantly doing work. I guess at 7.50 an hour, I'll survive. And you know what really sucks? THe big window I stand next to. Yeah, it's sunny outside. Beautiful...and probably warm...it looks warm. What am I doing? Sitting inside, typing on a computer. I think I'm going to quit going to school, save up some money, and open my own business. Dream on baby! Maybe I'll buy a lottery ticket today after work.

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Date:2003-06-10 12:38

Molly, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant and show a preference for visual learning, although not extreme in either characteristic. You probably tend to do most things in moderation, but not always.

Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that your learning style is organized and structured, detail oriented and logical. Your visual preference, though, has you seeking stimulation and multiple data. Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation. You may well suffer a feeling of continually trying to "catch up" with yourself.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor. You can "size up" situations and take in information rapidly. However, you must then subject that data to being classified and organized which causes you to "lose touch" with the immediacy of the problem.

Your logical and methodical nature hamper you in this regard though in the long run it may work to your advantage since you "learn from experience" and can go through the process more rapidly on subsequent occasions.

You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the "larger whole."

With regards to your career choices, you have a mentality that would be good as a scientist, coach, athlete, design consultant, or an engineering technician. You can "see where you want to go" and even be able to "tell yourself," but find that you are "fighting yourself" at the darndest times.

I dunno

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Date:2003-04-09 21:04

Is there anything I love more than artificial intellegence?

Maybe...but that's not the point


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Date:2002-07-16 11:28

trying to clear my mind...but I can't

In my mind, I've been in Atlanta for months. I just can't wait to leave. It consumes my thoughts and I even dreamt about it last night.

Pimp Daddy Welfare is so original and creative (that was dripping in sarcasm by the way)...the lyrics really make me wonder....heh heh...

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Date:2002-07-15 14:41
Subject:Movies I watched Yesterday

I'm bored as hell and tired of not working. So I sit around and watch movies and pretend that I'm doing research for writing screenplays (as I would love to write a beautiful one, and Matt has been inspiring me) but everyone knows that it will never happen, and that movies are just an escape so I can pretend I'm not so bored...

1. Tape--As much as I tried to enjoy it, I didn't. Independent type film, Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman, and that kid from Dead Poets Society. All takes place in one room. Perhaps my eyes need a change in scenery. I need something more that what was happening in that movie, and the plot didn't really do anything for me either. Bah to that.

2. Trainspotting--That famous cult classic which I had heard so many great things about. Was I let down? A bit, but I believe it was just because I expected it to be the best thing since sliced bread. It took me a little while to get used to the scottish voices. I still really enjoyed it though, and it is one of the best movies I've seen in quite a while.

3. Queer as Folk (Tape 1)--Usually shown on "Showtime" but I only get three channels here (four or five if the weather is real nice) so it must be rented. I had never seen it before and had only heard about it in passing. Very sexual (as on my three channels I am not used to sex scenes) but also very good. It made me laugh and then wish I was a gay man. (Hmm...okay maybe not, but I really do think that the "star" is hotter than hell...) I must get Tape two sometime when the 'rents aren't home (my mom is the coolest and will watch just about anything, but I think the sex is too much for her)

4. Welcome to the Dollhouse--I was hesitant to get this movie. Another movie where the girl is a nerd and then she gets made up and the coolest guy likes her and asks her to prom blah blah. But I had heard things about it, so I thought, why not? The movie turned out to be excellent. The ending was not typical and the movie had so many things that I just loved. I plan on owning it in the near future because it's absolutely wonderful.

5. Four Weddings and Funeral--Silly and a bit cute. I loved everything about Scarlet and I want to be her. Plus I think every boy should dress like Hugh Grant. He has that "casual" look and it's absolutely spledid. I also want a british accent, but it's not in the cards unfortunatly.

In other news, I've decided I have a scarf fetish. I cannot go to Ashland Goodwill anymore bceause they charge 1.00 per scarf, it's a scandal. L-ville however charges .25 and that is wonderful. I shall stop going to Ashland and start going elsewhere (like L-ville, which I went to yesterday and bought four lovely shirts and five scarves. Unfortunatly all the shirts I bought were long sleeved which is silly of me because Atlanta is not going to have that much long sleeved weather, and it seems that long sleeves is all I wear these days!)

Megs and Tryn came over last night. As usual when I woke up this morning, the house was a mess (though I did my share of killing the thing) I cleaned up as much as necessary. I'm glad we're all friends and such again, though I tend to frequent thrift stores and spend all my money when they are around. They also help me come to grips with the fact that I might just become a smoker. I had a few last night (though they usually at least double or triple the amount that I have) I don't really know that I even like to smoke except that it keeps your hands and mouth from boredom when you just want to sit by yourself, and that it keeps awkward silences from being so awkward. Things go slower and more thoughtfully when I'm smoking.

Going to Cleveland this week. Mom's a bit pissy because I probably won't have time to see my Uncle, Aunt and cousins who are up from Arkansas. I don't see why I have to. They are great people but I'm fairly certain that my cousins have never really liked me, for whatever reason. They seem to like my sister just fine, so who knows. Anyways I'd rather spend the week with Matt and Igor and whomever else drops in. I hope no one gets me wrong. I love my family beyond all belief, but my two feet are out the door and in my mind, I'm already in Atlanta, so really, what's the point?

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Date:2002-07-13 12:42
Subject:*punches that damned smiley in the face*

Can I just comment on how much I hate Wal-Mart.

I bought a stereo there a little while ago and it broke. Now they won't take it back. Not even give me some credit or anything. Those assholes. I hate Wal-Mart and I think everyone else should as well...but that's just me.

I jointed that wal-mart hating community too...I am damned spiteful...

That's all for now.

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Date:2002-07-07 20:06
Subject:Mind Control

Did you know that for a month and a half, I have to sign out whenever I want to go anywhere? The boy rules kinda suck too, but they don't really bother me...but come on...signing out?! My only hope is that, like wooster is with all it's rules, that rule is meant to be broken. I hate telling people where I am and having them keep a close eye on me. It's like MVNC all over again. I suddenly have a feeling I'm going to hate this. Maybe I shouldn't go to college...for real...

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Date:2002-07-07 13:18
Subject:Tennis and white trash

I've decided that Andrew can have his Anna Kournakova (that skank)

As long as I can have him. He's argentinian (thus he speaks spanish...mmm), two years and 13 days older than me (still in my limit...not much older than Andrew), and he's an awesome athlete. What more could I want? I mean really.

life changing decisionsCollapse )

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Date:2002-07-05 13:12
Subject:With a shorter past, there's a greater hurry

My day in Lyndhurst was the best! I drove up to Matt's house, listening to the Violent Femmes and The Cure. It's kinda nice to just drive up places by yourself and scream music lyrics. There were some hitchikers on the road. Someone right in front of me stopped to pick them up. I wish I would have picked them up...I love hitchikers. They were the hippie kind, not the dirty guy with a bag of chopped up people kind. I don't pick up the latter. I finally got there and Matt took me to coventry where we went to this shop with every thing in the world that you don't need. Tin lunchboxes and magnets and chucky dolls and rubber fish and fur covered handcuffs. It was great. Then we went to a record store that totally kicked. Not only was it quite obscure, but there was a vinyl section downstairs which was rather large, and a ton of posters for sale. Then Matt and I went to this lovely restaurant and had the best chocolate milkshake in the world. I also had a piece of pizza that was quite tasty. Then we went bowling, which is ALWAYS fun. Beat my best score with a lovely 104. Then we went and visited Matt's friend Karen. She wasn't really what I expected (I'm not sure what I expected). She's real pretty and seems very sweet. She's trying to get a job at the Gap though, which makes me laugh. Matt was hungry then, so the two of us went to this little diner type restaurant and ate. Next Matt and I went to this little movie theatre where I guess they play more independent films. We saw "The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys" which was really good, but sad at the end, and definatly had some adult themes in it. I still liked it though. The theatre we went to is famous for having the Rocky Horror Picture Show (there's one little intro of "The Drew Carrey Show" where they are all dressed up to go to the RHPS, and it was filmed at this theatre) I guess they used to have it every Saturday night, but now they just have it sparatically. They are having one this Saturday but I can't go because of the 4th party for the paternal side of the family. Matt said he has never seen me so excited as when I heard that they played RHPS at that theatre. Then of course, no visit to Lyndhurst would be complete without stopping at Amy Joy. We played cards and I got mooned by someone with a massively hairy ass. Then Matt and I went back to his house, played a little nintendo, and finally passed out to Caddyshack.

The next morning I woke up three times feeling really sick. I left for Huron at about noon. I was still feeling pretty bad on the ride, so I stopped and bought some water. About ten miles from Huron, I got that feeling that says "In about two minutes, you are going to puke, don't try to stop it" so I pulled over and just up-chucked everything in my stomach. This van kinda braked a few times...it looked like they were going to stop because they probably thought I was having car trouble, but then they saw I was just sick so they kept going. I don't think you've really lived until you've puked on the side of a state highway. So I am feeling better and get to Huron, but I still don't feel like doing jack so I just slept all night, only woken once to throw up again and once to move upstairs. My parents woke me up to go see some fireworks, but these stupid kids were setting them off on our beach and some went off into the crowd. Due to the fact that I saw my life flash before my eyes, we decided to leave. We went to the Huron Park to watch the fireworks over Cedar Point, but they were over when we got there. I guess they weren't too great this year because it was so windy. Went home and went to sleep again. Woke up this morning and threw up. Mom took my sister and I home (puked on the way home as well) She had to call Amy to tell her I couldn't babysit, and offered to take my place, but Amy said it was cool because they were just running some errands. I slept for a while here too, and I just got up about a half hour ago. I am feeling better and I ate some Kix because I was massively hungry. It might come back up, but I don't really care.

Some reflection: Matt is the coolest kid ever. He's an english major and so he speaks rather eloquently, plus he's going to write a screenplay, which I think he'll do well at, and his senior project is going to be a novel. The idea for the novel is really pure genius, I must say. He knows how to have the best time and I can't think of anyone else whom I would rather hang out with. I wish he didn't live so far, but I guess that happens. He made the third one of the best days ever.

Still thinking of things to get Andrew for his birthday. I want to do something different, but I'm so horrid at that...*shrugs*

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Date:2002-07-03 10:48
Subject:Reoccuring thoughts

Every time I'm on the computer, I think about smashing my head through the monitor. Every time. I'm convinced that these thoughts are really not healthy.

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Date:2002-07-03 10:32

Oh yes, I almost forgot...I must begin making certain entries "friends only" and make friends groups and stuff. Many people from ASC know my journal, and I would like my friends back home to be able to read about my extravagances, but I still want to be able to write my heart out to those who have never met me. So that is the "July Project"

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